Do you need to improve your tolerance levels?
I always liked to think that I possessed pretty high tolerance levels. Friends had often said to me that I had a lot of patience and to be fair I think it does normally take a lot to really test it.
I’ve come to realise over the past months living through a pandemic however, that I can and need to do much better on the tolerance front.
A couple of weeks ago I found myself getting really wound up. I was stood in a fairly long queue to pay for something, which isn’t in itself what actually wound me up for once.
Anyway this was different. I, like most people have become accustomed, like batman, to having to wear a mask when shopping.
The couple in front of me, however, with their faces buried in their mobile phones and keeping their heads down. Well, they had decided to wear their masks so that although they covered their mouths, both of the masks were pulled down so that both of their noses were sticking right out. Completely pointless right? And I immediately felt my heckles rising.
All sorts of conversations went on in my head as I was stood there. What is the point I was thinking, what if they are asymptomatic and super spreaders of Covid because they certainly don’t look like they give a shit about the rules, they could’ve been anywhere and with anyone, ewwwww.
And why does it take two of them to queue up for..what’s that in their basket? A cucumber, some shampoo and chocolate. Admittedly that sounds like a fun night, but we are in the middle of a pandemic you know! Surely one of them could’ve waited outside, selfish wotnots.
Also, and I know this is a tad harsh, but I then started to think about the fact that they both had very sizeable conks (bigger than mine yes!). I mean you could seriously have flown an aeroplane off either one of them, that’s if we could in fact get on a bloody plane. Which meant that there would be loads more germs able to escape into the atmosphere….oh my god!
Needless to say, I made sure I stayed the obligatory 2 metres behind them and an extra half a metre for good measure. I looked around and I wasn’t the only sad person fretting over the two “half maskers”, let’s call them. I spotted a good few knowing looks and concerned elbow nudging and disgruntled tutters amongst my fellow full maskers.
But later that night, I just thought how ridiculous it was that their behaviour got under my skin so much. We don’t even know for sure if a tiny piece of material makes any blooming difference. It wasn’t as if I was in the queue for that long and I was standing far enough away. I think I definitely over reacted, even if I didn’t say or do anything at the time. How on earth have I been emotionally impacted so much in such a short period of time. How have I started to find other people’s behaviour so annoying all of a sudden? When did I become the mask police?
If it was that bad I should have just walked away, I didn’t need to let their poor standards impact on me. I have a choice too and I certainly didn’t need to think such mean thoughts. Perhaps they just have a different interpretation of the rules to me and different risk profiles.
I thought that perhaps I could start to think about being a lot more tolerant and understanding of others through this next lockdown period. Even though I know that tolerance does not ever mean accepting unacceptable behaviour, I’m sure there are ways I can learn to be more tolerant towards others.
Strategies for improving tolerance towards others
Tolerance is actually much more about your relationship with yourself than it is about your relationship with other people. It shows a real strength of character if you can deal with different opinions and perspectives to your own.
1. Find ways to feel calm.
Find ways that work for you to reduce your anxiety or stress levels in response to the situation. This might be deep breathing, meditation or just giving yourself a bit of a talking to (may need to be just in your head of course). This will put you more in control of the situation and you’ll be able to react in a much more calm and considerate way.
2. Change is the only constant.
Understanding that everything is always changing is helpful. Someone’s annoying behaviour is only ever a temporary, time limited occurrence. Will this matter to me in five years time or will it even matter in an hour’s time?
3. Learn to put a bubble around you.
You always have the power to control what is happening around you and whether you let it annoy you or not. Learn to be able to let things bounce off the protective, imaginative bubble that you can surround yourself with. Learn to just let annoying people and situations glide over your head and carry on with your day unaffected. You can acknowledge the annoyance but refuse to pay it any real attention.
4. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
This is probably one of the most powerful things you can have; empathy. Really trying to see things from the other person’s point of view or from a different perspective can really help you to increase your tolerance levels. If you don’t understand someone’s point of view, ask them to explain it to you so you can understand better.
5. Travel
I never need an excuse to travel more, and I know we can’t really do it at the moment, but we can plan a trip for the future. Travelling allows you to learn about other cultures and lives that are very different from your own. It expands your experiences and can help you to gain a much more open-minded approach to life.
Sometimes a reaction is instantaneous and you can react without thinking and then immediately regret it. If this happens, don’t beat yourself up, just understand the situation from both perspectives and know when to admit you reacted badly and apologise.
When you catch yourself dwelling on things, then deciding whether a situation is actually within your control or not can be useful as well. Can you change the situation? If you can’t, then maybe you can change the way you respond to it. You can focus on accepting the situation for what it is.
These are testing times and practicing tolerance is definitely something that I’m going to need to work on constantly, but at least I’ll have plenty of opportunity to practice! Roll on the end of lockdown!
